Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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