Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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