waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
