May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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