fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
