So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
