My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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