How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
