Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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