about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
