It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
