At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
