i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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