Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize