Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Brb crying the tears of my youth
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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