I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
