guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
