My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
