I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
