i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
