I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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