textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
