I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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