Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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