If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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