Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize