Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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