I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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