I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
