Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
