I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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