I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
