You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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