Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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