He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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