your parents love me but you hate me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
