went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
