Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
