There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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