There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
