I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
