Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
