Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
