I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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