Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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