I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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