what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize