With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
