that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
