Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
