so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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