she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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