She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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