Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
