I just made out with a guy for $7.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
