Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
