with your own penis?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
