Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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