the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
