turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
