Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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