chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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