You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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