At least make sure they are 18
Why
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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