toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
