shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
