Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
