Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you mean i was at the winter classic?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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