No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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